The Cooler
The Funny Side of Life in Cyber
Space - Internet Jokes and Light Hearted Banter
Ask Jeeves!
My friend Joyce and I decided to introduce her elderly
mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move
was to access the popular Ask Jeeves website, and
we told her it could answer any question she had.
Joyce's mother was very skeptical until Joyce said,
"It's true, Mum.
Think of something to ask it." As I sat with
fingers poised over the keyboard,Joyce's mother thought
a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen
feeling?"
Internetholics Anonymous
Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member
who is concerned about your internet addiction. At
Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help.
Yes, you--we're talking to you. You, looking at this
screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary eyed.
You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately?
Been outside? Know what day of the week it is? Have
you
checked downstairs to see if your family still lives
with you?
We're a non-profit society of recovering addicts
like yourself that provides support and counselling
through weekly (off-line) meetings designed to help
you cope with your problem.
We feature a twelve-step recovery program and in
extreme cases, interventions. Although it is our firm
belief that you are never "cured," you most
certainly can recover.
We have designed a brief checklist to determine if
you are an addict. Do
you:
1) Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your
terminal?
2) Check e-mail more than five times a day?
3) Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping?
4) Surf aimlessly with no direction, if only to be
online?
5) Leave your name and information at countless sites
if only to hope you'll receive a reply one day from
a company you'll never do business with anyway?
6) Log on before important personal habits, such
as meal preparation, hygiene or bodily functions?
7) Have red, swollen eyes that hang halfway out of
your head?
8) Spend hours online on a holiday from work, where
you'd usually be griping about your carpal tunnel
syndrome?
9) See smoke arising from your computer or WebTV
box?
10) All of the above?
If you answered yes to four or more questions (or
chose #10), you have a
problem. Please call us at Internetaholics Anonymous
at:
1-800-LOGOFFNOWFORPETE'SSAKE
We're here, we're free, and we're confidential. The
first step to recovery is admission that you have
a problem.
Call us today. That is, if you can power off to free
up your phone line.
